I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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