i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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