A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
