So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
