Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
