this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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