i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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