dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
