You're my little dorito
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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