Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
