thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
