i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
