Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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