Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
