Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
