I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
