omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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