Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
