Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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