Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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