dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
