do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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