Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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