I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
They have beer where we have blood.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
