We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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