What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
