She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
