You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
