would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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