Too much gin, very little bucket
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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