I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
