I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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