we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
