He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
