Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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