I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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