Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
