We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Is Oprah even human
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
