i barfeds in our rink
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
