Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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