dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You can't special order awesome
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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