Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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