Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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