Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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