The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
