just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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