I hate all girls vehemently.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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