I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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