but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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