The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
