there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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