My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
