I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
