So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
