Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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