he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
