Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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