I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
