I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
