Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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