Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize