Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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