Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
