I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
