this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
