pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
A bitchslap is in order.
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