I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
is it fun? or sober?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
