She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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