so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I think your dad took our porno
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
