Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
